American Teen in 5 March 29, 2009

1. Yes, the poster says it all. Somewhere in the Northern Suburbs, John Hughes is throwing up in his mouth.

2. An Elvis impersonator father pressuring his son into winning a basketball scholarship, that Notre Dame father who pressured all his kids into his Alma mater, a manic depressant mother who forces her daughter to live with her aging grandmother, and a mother who cuts her son’s hair too short…no wonder these kids had problems! However, it makes for intriguing stories.

3. Typical stereotypes. Typical high school in Warsaw, Indiana. Typical mean girl (with an anger management problem). Typical depressed (and repressed) artist looking for a way out of the cornfields. Typical jocks who are (surprise!) friends with the mean girl. Typical band geek with acne just trying to find love. All these stories are typical, but somehow, it was entertaining.

4. If you hated high school, you’ll love this movie because you will find yourself in one of these five storylines, and you will pat yourself on the back for getting through those tremulous times called high school.  If you like high school, you’ll love this movie because it brings you back to a time when you didn’t know what lied ahead, and where every fight, every heartbreak, every night spent in the basement of someone’s house playing pool meant the world to you. And if you’re impartial to high school, you’ll be reminded of that time when you graduated when you were either so excited to get the hell outta dodge, happy that you had the best four years of your life, or sad as hell that your glory days are over.

5. It’s Breakfast Club meets the Real World meets Varsity Blues, meets Mean Girls. All rolled up into one hour and a half miniseries called “I survived high school in Warsaw, Indiana and all I got was the best video yearbook of my life”!

Twilight in 5 March 29, 2009

1. Having read the book, it stayed very true to it.
2. Kristin Stewart was a little too awkward for me, I would have loved to see what Rachel Evan Wood would have done with the role…however, I can live with Stewart as long as Robert Pattinson stays on as the vulnerable, chivalrous vampire Edward…what he can do with the subtlety of a look makes you wonder what he’ll do beyond his blockbuster status.

3. The pale blue hue of the movie made everyone seem pale, and made me shiver a bit, which might have been because it was thundersnowing outside, or that the location of the movie was just right. Either way, I was drinking hot cocoa under a fleece blanket…gotta love movie atmosphere.

4. And yes, the book is WAY better than the movie…but then again, it always is…

5. It’s Interview with a Vampire meets high school, with a little twist of Harry Potter romance and magic, mixed in with a very blue, pale-hued location named Forks.

The Wrestler in 5 or less January 30, 2009

1. For someone who didn’t know who Mickey Rourke was or did, I thought he was excellent as a washed-up wrestler trying to make amends.

2. Marisa Tomei, whom I don’t particularly like as an actor, was believable and carried herself well in what could have been a one-dimensional role as a stripper.

3. As far as plotlines go, I was bored (and I little dizzy from the non-steady cam/docu style of filmmaking).

4. I don’t know if he deserves the Oscar (cause I am hearing marvelous things about Sean Penn), but Rourke was very very good.

5. Like most Oscar-worthy films…it’s not very uplifting. If you want uplifting, go see Mall Cop.

In Bruges in 5 sentences January 12, 2009

1. A complicated story of 2 hitmen who are forced to hide out in Bruges, Belgium, after a particularly stressful hit. Themes include mortality, depression, and first (and last) impressions.

2. Colin Farrell is hilarious and poignant. Totally deserved the golden globe.

3. A midget, coke addict, guns, violence, and a beautiful, yet eerie backdrop are involved.

4. Bruges is in Belgium, which I’ve been to, and this movie will make you feel like you’ve been there…Which is probably all you need, because unless you love medieval history, Bruges is pretty boring.

5. This is a black comedy, in the realm of Lock, Stock and Three Smoking Barrels/Snatch, etc…so if you don’t like those types of movies…you might not like this one.

My trip to Bruges...good for a day, not two weeks...

I think this might be the bell tower used in the film...

Benjamin Button in 5 sentences January 10, 2009

I’ve decided that since everyone has a short attention span (myself included), I am going to start writing movie and tv reviews in 5 sentences or less. That way people might actually read my blog all the way through, and it will force me, as a writer, to be succinct. Which is something I never am. Hey, according to Benjamin, it’s never to late to change.

1. Benjamin Button is a marvel of a movie whose poetic words and unbelievable filmmaking will make you believe that $9.00 is indeed an ok price for a good solid movie.

2. You will be dumbstruck by its simple yet complicated commentary on mortality.

3. You will be awestruck by the astonishing transformation of the main characters, and accept that Brad Pitt can actually do more than Ocean’s 11-13 would have you believe.

4. You will leave the movie theatre thinking about the awesome power of a movie to transport you, move you, and make you think (more than you probably wanted) about your own stance on immortality, mortality, and life itself.

5. And, finally, you will need to pee before the movie, because it clocks in at 2 hours and 47 minutes, and you cannot miss one scene.